'It was turning our relationship sour': Couples share the realities of working together in F&B

SINGAPORE — Can couples who are in love get along at work? Two pairs of hawkers and a restaurant owner who hired his wife as a sommelier share what it is like working with their spouse and the impact that work has had on their relationships.

Overcoming family tragedy led couple to open their stall

More than a year after tying the knot, Emily Tan and Nicholas Ang found their marriage put to the test. Their lives and career paths took an unexpected turn when a family tragedy occurred.

While working one morning in November 2018, Ang’s father, who ran a pork stall at 505 Jurong West Market & Food Centre, had a heart attack and became unconscious. He was sent by ambulance to Ng Teng Fong General Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

The millennial couple gave up their corporate jobs to help Ang’s mother, who wanted to continue operating the stall.

Today, the couple run their own pork stall at the market at 409 Ang Mo Kio Avenue 10, standing out with their youth and humorous stall name, SG Xiao Xian Rou.

The Chinese phrase “xiao xian rou” means “little fresh meat” in English and refers to a young and handsome man.

Tan, 33, who came up with the stall’s name, says: “It’s catchy and customers are tickled by it. Some aunties jokingly insist on Nicholas taking their orders as he is the xiao xian rou.”

The couple met during a training programme as recruits at DBS Bank in early 2015. They struck up a conversation after finding out they both lived in Jurong West, within three bus stops of each other.

They began dating in March 2015 and registered their marriage in April 2017.

Ang, 34, says: “I admired how gutsy and straightforward Emily is. When I asked her if we could start dating, she told me she did not want to waste her time on casual relationships and was interested only in dating with marriage in mind.”

At the start of 2018, they moved into a five-room HDB resale flat they bought in Jurong West to live near her parents.

Six months later, she quit the bank to become an insurance agent, while he stayed on as a customer service officer.

Life was taking off for the young couple, with Ang having a chance for a work promotion, when they received the bad news of his father’s death. His mother, now 58, who had been working alongside his father, asked him to help her at the stall.

As Ang wanted to remain at his job for a few more months to collect his bonus, Tan jumped in to help her mother-in-law at the stall from Tuesdays to Sundays from 3am to 3pm, while selling insurance policies at the same time. The stall is closed on Mondays.

But by March 2019, she decided to give up selling insurance as she could barely cope with the physical demands of working at the stall and having only four to five hours of sleep daily.

Tan says: “My husband did not ask me to help at the stall, but I did so as I could not bear to see my mother-in-law take on the full load.”

Gung-ho by nature, even though she had no experience handling pork, she picked up the chopper and learnt to cut the meat, starting with the trotter bones, then moving onto prime ribs and pork loin. 

Ang is grateful she stepped up.

“I didn’t say anything to my wife then, but I felt really touched that she stood by me during that difficult time. When my father passed away, I wasn’t myself and I couldn’t think straight. It was the first time my wife saw me cry.”

A month after quitting his job in April 2019, he started working alongside his mum and wife.

Tan says: “Although we were colleagues, we had not actually worked together. At the stall, we had to adapt to working at close range. I found him to be very slow at chopping and told him to leave it to me.”

Ang, who had been helping his parents at their stall since he was 10, took charge of removing the hairs off the pig skin, deboning trotters and arranging the pork in the refrigerated display case.

While working at the stall, the couple started SG Xiao Xian Rou as an online shop in April 2020 during the Covid-19 pandemic, as business at the market was affected. 

Tan stopped working at the pork stall in February 2022 after giving birth to their daughter Estelle. But the couple continued to run their online business as they felt it a pity to give up their pool of regular customers. 

Tan rejoined the workforce in May 2022 as a bank teller for nearly a year, but found it difficult to handle the online business while working full time at the bank.

In May 2023, she decided to try her hand at selling pork on her own and found a stall at Clementi Avenue 2 Market & Food Centre.

But it was no walk in the park.

Once, the supplier delivered a whole pig without cutting it into parts. Perplexed as she had no experience chopping up an entire pig, she called her husband on the phone.

Despite being busy at his mother’s stall, he took the time to give her instructions on dissecting the pig.

She says: “At that moment, I felt he was really my partner and someone I could depend on.” 

In January 2024, Ang decided to join his wife and run the pork stall together.

The following month, they relocated to the market in Ang Mo Kio as business at the Clementi market was slow.

They spent $50,000 to set up their stall with new equipment, from a refrigerated display case to chopping board and knives.

The couple have yet to break even, as pork from suppliers has doubled in price. They sell fresh pork from Sarawak. Prices at their stall start at $14 a kg for lean minced pork and go up to $34 a kg for pork tenderloin. 

They reckon it will take another two years before their stall is profitable.

Adapting to each other’s working style is an ongoing process.

Ang says: “I let my wife take the lead and I follow. If we both try to lead, there is bound to be a clash of opinions.”

The couple rise at 3am, and by 4am, they are at their stall. They are open from 5.30am till 1pm, after which they spend two hours cleaning up and have a quick lunch before making deliveries for online orders.

Their work day ends at 6pm, when they pick up their three-year-old daughter from pre-school. Their helper sends their daughter to a pre-school in Jurong East at 7.30am on weekdays.

After dinner, they deal with online orders. Bedtime is close to midnight, but they sometimes get woken up by messages or calls from their pork supplier at 2am.

Tan says: “We don’t get tired of seeing each other 24/7. But we no longer have time for movie dates or romance. Even on his birthday, my husband prefers going home to sleep after work, rather than going out to celebrate. Watching a movie on Netflix at home together is a luxury.”

The couple agree what they value most is spending quality family time with their daughter. 

Monday is their only day off.

Tan says: “Running a business as a couple is not for everyone. Most of our waking hours are spent at work.”

Ang adds: “But we live a contented life. We have our family and this is what love is.” 

Saving their relationship from going sour over soya milk

Secondary school sweethearts Lau Kah Hou and Kamy Lee, who hardly quarrelled, found themselves at loggerheads when they started hawker stall Da Dou Siao Dou at Hong Lim Market & Food Centre, selling soya milk and beancurd in 2023.

Lau, 33, says: “Selling our sweet soya milk and beancurd was turning our relationship sour.”

Business was poor for the first three months, and stress over finances drove the pair to bicker constantly. This was exacerbated by them not having a proper workflow as neither had experience in the food and beverage industry. 

The couple started dating in secondary school in 2008 in their home town of Batu Gajah in Perak. They both later went to Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman in the same state. 

Lau graduated with a degree in accounting, while Lee has a degree in banking and finance.

After working for two years in Ipoh, the couple moved to Singapore in 2018 in search of better work opportunities. 

He worked as an accounting executive, while she was a purchasing executive. Lau became a permanent resident in 2019, and Lee, 32, followed suit in 2020. They married in March 2020.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, Lau, who has an interest in cooking, prepared soya milk from scratch for his wife.

As the two had always dreamt of running their own business, they began to discuss the possibility of selling soya milk. 

In 2022, they started to work towards their goal, trying soya milk and beancurd from more than 20 sellers islandwide. 

For a year, they spent every weekend experimenting with making soya beancurd from scratch. Many of their experiments failed, as the soya milk would not set into beancurd or the texture was too coarse.

Finally, when they felt they had hit upon the right recipe, they successfully bidded for a hawker stall and quit their jobs in February 2023. They pooled together $25,000 for capital and opened their stall a month later. 

To attract a younger crowd, the couple offer beancurd with a variety of toppings, such as sesame paste and peach gum. Popular items include Black Sesame Beancurd ($2.50), Pandan Beancurd ($2.50) and Soy Beancurd And Peach Gum ($3.20). The couple use non-genetically modified soya beans from Canada.

Lau says: “We were prepared to not earn salaries for the first two months, but we did not expect to not even cover our running costs and operate at a loss.”

His anxiety grew as the losses amounted to $4,000 monthly, and the couple had to dig into their savings for the first three months.

Resentment between the two began brewing.

Lau, who is in charge of the stall’s accounts, says: “I started blaming my wife for supporting my idea to start our own business. We had stable jobs before. Hawker life was unstable.”

Adding to the mental stress was the physical constraints of their hawker stall. 

Lee says: “We were constantly bumping into each other. We also had different working styles. Kah Hou has a perfectionist streak and would take his time placing the toppings on the beancurd, even wiping the rim of each bowl. I don’t like keeping customers waiting and found his slow pace annoying.”

As the couple offered eight toppings and allowed customers to customise orders, they had difficulty noting down orders correctly. They were often scolded by customers who had to repeat their orders several times.

When a few hawkers told them it was a mistake opening their stall at that food centre, the couple began doubting their decision.

Things came to a head one afternoon when, unable to deal with his pent-up frustration over their finances, Lau flung a pot onto the floor. The outburst from her usually soft-spoken and calm husband stunned Lee.

Lau says: “We knew we had to talk things out before our relationship deteriorated further.”

The couple came up with the idea to write orders on the serving containers instead of relying on memory.

In their fourth month of operation, the stall received publicity on social media and business spiked. It became profitable.

Lau says: “We became too busy and had no time to quarrel. Even when we got annoyed with each other, we could not muster up the energy to have prolonged arguments.”

As the stall celebrates its second anniversary in March, husband and wife have adjusted to working closely together. 

The couple, who rent a room in Ang Mo Kio, wake at 4.30am and are at their stall by 6am. It is open from 9.30am to 3.30pm, but they stay until 8pm to prepare ingredients for the next day and to clean up the stall. They work five days a week, resting on Sundays and Mondays.

Lee says: “We had to adjust to each other’s habits when we began living together, but now that we work together, we have come to understand each other’s professional ethics.”

She says they balance each other out as her husband takes care of details, while she tends to look at the big picture. 

The couple have also learnt to choreograph their movements such that they no longer bump into each other in the stall. 

Lau adds: “Most importantly, we now make it a point to find a solution quickly when we encounter any issues at work because it can impact our relationship.”

The couple have no plans for children now as their focus is on their business.

Their long-term goal is to start a dessert eatery. Lau says: “Working together has let us see the best and worst sides of each other, but we are still very much in love.”

Wife inspired him to change his restaurant cuisine

As a chef who has to spend special occasions such as Valentine’s Day at work, Iru Den chef-owner Javier Low had always hoped his life partner would be someone working in the food and beverage industry.

The 33-year-old says: “I have dated women who had office jobs, and they found it difficult when I could not spend public holidays and festive occasions with them. I felt someone in the same industry would be better able to understand the constraints and demands of my job.”

Then in 2018, a friend introduced him to Emily Chen, 32, who was working at Tong Le Private Dining as a supervisor. As she was in a serious relationship then, he did not pursue her until 2019, when she became single.

Their whirlwind romance began in September with intensive texting, before their first date in October. By November, they had moved in together.

They registered their marriage in April 2024 and celebrated their wedding in Taiwan in September 2024. The couple have no children.

From the start, he encouraged Chen, who is from Pingtung County in southern Taiwan, to upgrade her skills and follow her dream of becoming a sommelier. She took his advice and worked at a wine company upon his recommendation in December 2019. There, she received on-the-job training and became an assistant sommelier.

When she wanted a change of environment in late 2023, he decided to make her a job offer.

He says: “She had a difficult time asking prospective employers for higher pay and benefits. Though I was worried about us getting along at work, I figured it was better that she came to work for me instead, as I was willing to pay her a fair rate without her asking.”

Chef Low, who has a diploma in culinary arts from Shatec, opened his first 12-seat restaurant, Il Den, serving Kyoto-Italian cuisine at Orchard Plaza, in 2018. In 2019, he shifted to a 400 sq ft space in Bugis Cube that could seat 20 diners.

In 2021, he closed Il Den to open Iru Den in Scotts Road, which can seat 28 in a 1,300 sq ft space, with a capital of $400,000. 

In the beginning, he served dishes with Japanese-European influences, featuring premium Japanese ingredients.

Chen became his muse, inspiring him to switch to contemporary Taiwanese cuisine with modern Japanese and European influences in 2024.

A trip to her home town in 2023 opened his eyes to Taiwanese ingredients. Her mother introduced him to Taiwanese pickled radish, which inspired him to come up with the cai pu butter he serves at his restaurant.

In 2024, he made the decision to import ingredients such as carabineros and Pacific saury from Taiwan instead of Japan.

Prices at Iru Den start at $128++ for a six-course lunch, featuring dishes such as Taichung Uni Mee Sua, with the noodles and uni from Taiwan. Dinner starts at $158++ for a six-course menu which includes Three Cup Duck, Taiwan Milkfish and Lu Rou Fan.

In January 2024, Chen, who has a diploma in hospitality from Meiho University in Taiwan, joined Iru Den as a sommelier.

Iru Den has three other full-time employees.

Chen and chef Low, who are opposites in personality — she is outgoing and bubbly, while he is introverted and thinks deeply — initially found themselves quarrelling frequently over work matters and communication styles. 

She says: “I did not foresee the potential difficulties of working with my spouse.”

When she started working at the restaurant, she would get jealous when pretty female customers asked him for his number as they wanted to make reservations. 

He says: “She would question me closely in the beginning, but not any more. She now understands that between the restaurant and her, I have no time for affairs.”

A more serious point of contention was that he could not accept Chen questioning him on how he assigned duties. 

He says: “When she talked back to me, I would get irritated and scold her in front of the team to show she is not getting special treatment just because she is my wife.”

The frequency of misunderstandings pushed him to have a serious chat with her.

“I told her, at the restaurant, I am the chef, I have to set the tone and lead. Whatever I say goes. There can be only one alpha at work.

“But we agree that outside work, she is free to question me and argue with me. I let her have her way at home.”

He recognises his wife’s strengths at work, such as her peppy personality and top-notch customer service, which draw customers to become regulars. 

Meanwhile, Chen has learnt to not take issues at work personally. She says: “Javier is very serious at work, and I admire his sense of ambition and how motivated he is. I have learnt to tamper my exuberance at work at times.”

Chef Low adds: “Hiring my wife to work at my restaurant was a risk I had to take, as I needed to find out if we can work together as a team. One of my dreams is to have our own restaurant in Taiwan someday.

“We have sorted out most of our differences at work and we are used to spending every waking moment together. It is not only a luxury but also a pain at times to always be together, but we are used to it.”

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